Healing After Heartbreaks
& Betrayal

My Conversation With Sara Avant Stover

In a recent episode of The Art of We podcast, I sat down with Sara Avant Stover, a dear friend who, like me, has journeyed through heartbreak and emerged as a warrior transformed by her experiences.

Sara, a seasoned author and women's business strategist, joined me to discuss her latest book, Handbook for the Heartbroken. This episode was more than just a conversation; it was a deep dive into the often turbulent waters of grief and the unexpected transformation that awaits on the other side of heartbreak.

Back in 2017, about a year and a half after my previous partner, Mark, died suddenly on 9/9/2015, Sara reached out to me. She was running a series on heartbreak for her podcast, now called “Her Self,” and invited me to publicly speak about Mark’s death for the first time.

I recently re-listened to that podcast recording, reminded of the power in voicing our most painful experiences—those moments that seem unspeakable, almost incomprehensible. Mark’s death, and the grief and existential despair it launched me into, marked a significant initiation in my life—an initiation into deep personal transformation that only this level of heartbreak could.

All heartbreaks are hard and complex, regardless of their scope and context. It’s not just the heartbreak itself, but how we choose to engage with it that shapes who we become. It’s a choice point—are we turning away from the discomfort, hiding it in the shadows, or are we courageously turning towards it?

In my recent conversation with Sara, she articulated her journey through serial deeply painful heartbreaks that touched every aspect of her life—relationships, career, self-identity, finances and health. Despite the differences in our experiences, there were many parallels in our healing journeys, particularly in the types of support, practices, rituals, and perspectives that guided us through.

Sara's narrative captivates not just because of the breadth of her experiences but because of her deep introspection. In her book, she courageously shares the rawest parts of her story, unveiling the potent lessons hidden in the shadows of vulnerability and loss.

One of the key takeaways from our discussion was our mutual experience of grief as an engine for change. Grief, when embraced, has the power to open us up, allowing new light to penetrate our deepest sorrows. This transformative power is a visceral reality for those brave enough to face their deepest sorrows head-on.

During our conversation, Sara discussed her initial heartbreak in the book, which was triggered when she discovered her former fiancé had been living a duplicitous life. She shared the yellow and red flags that she missed and offered advice for other women who might be in similar situations, enabling them to learn from her experiences. Sara also explained how she transitioned from that profound betrayal to now being in a healthy partnership, influenced in part by the agreements my partner Will and I have made in our relationship.

The concept of "trauma bonding" added another layer to our conversation. Sara educated us on how the intense highs and devastating lows of certain relationships can indicate underlying wounds attracting each other. This knowledge is a powerful tool for anyone navigating the complexities of love and attachment.

Throughout the episode, Sara emphasized the importance of turning inward and truly listening to the messages our bodies and inner voices convey.  Sara’s journey is a testament to the transformative power of grief and the resilience of the human spirit. Her willingness to share her story offers not only hope but practical guidance for anyone facing their own heartbreak. Her book, Handbook for the Heartbroken, is not just a memoir; it's a guide that equips readers to navigate their grief with grace and courage.

As we concluded our conversation, I was reminded of the incredible strength found in vulnerability. Sharing our stories, like Sara does in her book, isn’t just about healing ourselves—it’s about illuminating the path for others as they navigate their darkest moments.

For anyone grappling with loss, remember: there IS a path through the pain. Pain holds gold, if we are willing to trust it. It's neither easy nor straightforward, but it is laden with opportunities for profound personal growth. In Sara's words, “embracing our grief can lead us to a life marked not only by survival but by flourishing.” I highly recommend Sara’s book, Handbook for the Heartbroken, to anyone seeking deeper healing and wholeness.

As we continue to explore the art of we, connection, and transformation, I encourage all our listeners to reflect on the lessons of this episode. Let it serve as a beacon of hope and a reminder that even in our deepest grief, we are never alone.

Listen to the full episode here to dive deeper into the inspiring and invaluable insights from this conversation.