How Will "Called In" Our Relationship

Will shares his wake up call prior to us meeting, and his unique journey of preparing for a type of partnership he never before had.

Will above, right after we met, with his good friends Jayson Gaddis and Keith Kurlander.

Hi friends!

I’m excited to share some gems from Episode 85 with you. This episode is all about how to create or “call in” the kind of relationship you truly want. Whether you're single and looking for "the one" or you're in a partnership and wanting to elevate it, we've got you covered here at The Art of We.

In this episode, I had the pleasure of interviewing my wonderful hubby hubster, Dr. Will Van Derveer, about his unique journey of manifesting our incredible partnership.

Side note: I’ve always been skeptical about ‘prescribed’ formulas that claim to know the exact steps to calling in a partner or relationship (or doing anything else in life). However, I do believe that we can learn from each other’s unique journeys and choose to apply what resonates.

Ok, back to the hubby hubster.

You’ll hear in the episode that he woke up on his 40th birthday, while in a long-term marriage with his previous wife, realizing that he was not in the kind of partnership he wanted.

I suspect that he knew this for a while, perhaps subconsciously, but for some reason, it surfaced clearly on his birthday.

Something in him wasn’t willing to tolerate a relationship that didn't align with his desires anymore.

So he got honest about it.

While Will didn’t have parents to role model what he wanted in partnership, he had friends building “secure-functioning” partnerships with their spouses. And he had clients radically transforming their relationships through PACT couple’s therapy, which Will was recommending to them.

This led to his journey of seeing that something else was possible, learning to take a stand for the kind of partnership he wanted, and really investigating if his former marriage could live up to his vision.

I’m reminded of how hard it is to believe in something, or stand for something, when we have no map for it or no awareness that there’s even a possibility for something different. It takes a lot of work to see or imagine what we can’t currently see or imagine. But wow, is it worth it to intentionally quiet our minds and create space to explore new possibilities. Or to study how others are creating their lives in areas where we desire something new, different, or elevated.

In the episode, I asked Will, “What three pieces of advice would you give to someone who is ready to call in their next partnership or elevate their current partnership?”

In short, he responded:

1. Trust Your Inner Guidance: Listen to your inner voice and pursue the relationship you truly want. Don’t settle for less.

2. Find a Willing Partner: Your partner should be willing to play the same game of growth and collaboration. It’s about finding someone who’s ready to engage in a generative, challenging partnership.

3. Balance Self-Responsibility and Support: Be mindful of codependency. A healthy relationship involves both partners taking responsibility for their own emotional regulation while also supporting each other.

Listen in to hear more gems from Will’s journey, including how these two books supported his courage to live into something new:

Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*** - Mark Manson
No More Mr. Nice Guy - Dr. Robert Glover

Looking back, we both agree that creating or calling in the relationship you want is a beautiful, sacred process. However, it doesn’t always feel that way. (It certainly didn’t for me.)

For both of us, it’s about aiming at truth, taking a clear stand for what we want, running after it, and not holding back. Whether you're starting fresh or looking to improve your current partnership, intentionality, inner work, and support are powerful allies.

We hope this episode inspires you to pursue the relationship you desire with clarity and confidence.

Stay tuned for our next episode, where the tables turn and I share my unique process of calling in our partnership!

Until next time, keep growing and loving fiercely.

With love,
Krista